It Was Easier Being an Outcast

It Was Easier Being an Outcast

It was easier being an outcast
misery and loneliness was expected
pain was a constant companion
desperation offered no false promises
hopelessness freed us not to want

We celebrated our excommunication
and looked with pity on the righteous rule followers
banished from their world
we relished the freedom to do as we wished
death’s nearness
a comfort
releasing us from the bounds of propriety

When banishment failed to break us sufficiently
we were lured back with promises of acceptance
if only…
if only we wore the clothes of conformity
if only…
if only we embraced the shackles of normality
if only…
if only…
if only…

And now
and now the tight embrace of acceptance
is suffocating me
unable to breath
constrained by the tight armor of expectation
conformity pinching our soul
blinding our eyes
unlocking our hands from those still outcast

I look now at the barren fields
that lay fallow where we used to toil
to coax life from the discarded refuse of the walled city
and long for the honesty
and simplicity
of life unburdened
by the crushing weight
of judging eyes
I hunger
for hunger
for passion
for the honesty of my own pain

Comfort comes with a price
my soul it seems was the cost
hunger for food was more honest
being always full
I fear I have lost the ability to hunt
I live now at the mercy of my captor
afraid to venture too far from the gilded cage
of my captivity

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